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Seth Argabright entered the world, kicking and screaming, some 30 odd years ago. The son of sharecroppers, he taught himself to read by eating Alpha-Bits cereal and listening to that song by the Jackson Five. At the tender age of eight, he was indentified by a CIA recruiting program and entered into a rigorous espionage training regimen. However, on his very first covert mission, he was cut off from his team in the mountainous region of Tibet and took refuge in a Buddhist monastery. Eastern philosophy agreed with the young man, and Seth spent the next several years chanting, learning Kung-Fu, and eating rice.
The world may have never heard from him again if it hadn't been for a fateful meeting one day in the marketplace where he fell instantly in love with a humble rickshaw operator who spurned his advances. Seth returned heartbroken to the United States where he invented the electric jacket (patent pending) and learned to play the Sousaphone. After a brief period, he went stark raving mad, insisting that unicorns were real, and he planned an elaborate expedition to capture one. His safari took him deep into the jungles of the Amazon, where he disappeared for months before finally emerging with the lost works of Shakespeare and the eerie ability to accurately guess what people had eaten for breakfast. Which pretty much takes us up to the present. All of that, of course, is complete bunk. |
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