page three

"Shock Theater"

the cigarette

The scene starts with a span of a room with several inmates and Freddy the nurse. At the far end of the room is the fenced off area with Sam, Al, Masters, and the nurses.

Sam: I can't believe this is happening. I really shouldn't be punished, you know that, don't you? (Sam is using his hair brush to emphasis his comments.) Buddy Rich deserved more that a punch on the jaw. (Sam stands at the fence and talks to Freddy.) Can I have a cigarette please? Don't tell Gloria--she doesn't let me smoke in the apartment.
(Freddy gives Sam a cigarette through the wire.)
Sam: Thank you. (Sam turns to Masters who is grinning and who lights the cigarette.) 'Course they don't let you smoke at work either.
Masters: Get Doctor Wickless up here immediately.
Al: Gooshie, get Dr. Beeks on the scene as soon as possible. We've got problems...big time.

the future

Al looks down at Sam who is lying face down towards the foot of the bed.

Al: Now he's gone to sleep. (goes back to punching the hand link)
Tibby: What's it like in the future?
(Al is concentrating on the hand link.)
Tibby: What's it like? I mean, is it real clean, is it? Are there cars that float in the air?
Al: No, the air is filthy and the cars are still on the ground. But we're working on it, Tibby.
Tibby: Like your threads.
Al: (skywards) Gooshie! Where the hell is Beeks?!
Tibby: Who is Gooshie?
Al: (to Tibby)The programmer. (to the sky) Well never mind, damn it, I'll find her myself. (to Tibby) Listen, Tibby, when Sam wakes up, will you tell him...
Tibby: (corrects Al, remembering Sam's alternate ego) Her, her, her.
Al: Him, him, him. Tell him that I'll be right back and not to talk to anyone, OK?

the confrontation

Nurse Chattam is walking down a corridor looking at a clipboard with Butch following her.

Butch: You've been spending a lot of time with Masters.
Chattam: I'm a nurse, he's a doctor, we both happen to work for this hospital...
Butch: Just didn't want you making any mistakes.
Chattam: What are you talking about?
Butch: I'm talking about Masters finding out what happened to Beaderman yesterday.
Chattam: Mr. Beaderman came in here as a depressive. Six weeks later, he's showing signs of violence and now he has split into not one but several personalities. And if what you did yesterday had anything to do with, it I will tell Dr. Masters.
Butch: But you were there, weren't you? Or did you forget that little bit of information?
Chattam: You lied to me. You told me that Dr. Masters gave you permission to give him that treatment.
Butch: You know the rules, Nurse Chattam. It's too bad you didn't try to stop me.
Chattam: I did try to stop you.
Butch: But you didn't.
Chattam: You could have killed him.
Butch: We could have.

"What Price, Gloria?"

the biological clock

[note from the transcriber: Nancy suggested that the biological clock discourse had been syndicut. As usual the most difficult part of transcribing the syndicuts is knowing where they start and finish but as this was such a funny scene I did the lot.]

Sam walks out of the apartment building with Bubbles and a really cute little bag hanging over his wrist. He looks up at the light on in their apartment.

Al: Personally I prefer leaving the lights on.
Bubbles: Yap yap.
Al: You keep that up tiny teeth and I'll feed you to Ziggy.
Bubbles: Grrrrr.
Sam: A little testy to night aren't we?
Al: Well you would be if...
Sam: If what?
(They start walking)
Al: Never mind just save Madame Butterfly up there from cashing in her cookies and get back to being a guy.
Sam: How? Gloria is convinced that Buddy is Mr Wonderful. That he's got a witch for a wife... (swerves to avoid a pedestrian) ...a witch for a wife and she is his only salvation.
Al: All women fall for that one especially single girls of Gloria's age.
Sam: What does age have to do with it?
Al: (takes out handlink) She is 27 years old. She is fighting the biological clock. Those little egges are ticking off like time bombs. (Al wiggles his fingers)
Sam: Al, a woman can have a healthy baby into her forties.
Al: I know but people did not realise that in 1961. We are talking serious old maid here. She is probably up there shredding newspapers right now.
Sam: (looks exasperated) Yeah, well I wish that was what she was doing.
Bubbles: Woof, woof.
Al: I'm warning you.
(Al shakes finger at dog. The dog cowers.)
Sam: What's your problem?
Al: You... (points at Sam) You, you... (much waving of hands) You homaphrodite you. You are driving me crazy. I am not performing with Tina so she thinks that I've got somebody on the side. Beeks is laying this load of repressed homosexual crap on me. (Waves both hands at Sam. During Al's speech Sam closes his eyes while looking heavenward and finally puts one hand to his eyes.) And every time I see you I have to deal with this.
(Al looks appreciatively at Sam. He hits his head.)
Al: I'm out of here. (He walks across a road and as he does a bus drives through him.)
Sam: Al look out...
(Sam realises that there is no danger. The imaging chamber door opens and then closes behind Al. Sam waves him off.)
Sam: Yes, close the door. Come on Bubbles. Figures that Buddy would have a dog called Bubbles. (walks to a seat and picks up Bubbles and talks to him) Come here, come here. This is great you know. Gloria won't listen to me, my best friend has got a crush on me and I'm a woman. Whatever I did to deserve this... (looks away) I don't deserve it.

"Permanent Wave"

the father-in-law's funeral parlor

Opening shot of Al's shoes and legs walking...

Al: You know I used to hide money in my shoes when I was on liberty. In case I got three sheets to the wind. You know what I mean?
Sam: No, I don't know.
(Sam is looking around.)
Al: Well you wouldn't.
(shot of chalk outline of body and blood stains)
Al: Gee this place kind of reminds of my third...fourth...third father-in-law's place.
Sam: He had a pharmacy?
Al: No a funeral parlour.
Sam: (puzzled) What?
Al: Why are we...ah...pussyfooting around here like cat burglers?
Sam: I don't know I'm...just looking for something the police might have missed. What else can I do?
Al: I know--you can get Kyle to remember better, but of course you know...
Sam: This is where I found him right down here. (bends down and peers under the table) He's right the only thing you could see from here would be somebody's shoes.
(Sam is looking at Al's shiny shoes as Al rocks back and fro. Al punches the handlink and sinks down until only from is mouth up is visible above the floor. [note: this is the clip from the season five opening credits that got lost in syndication] He scans around.)
Sam: Al...Al would you stop that please?
Al: I was just trying to get a closer look.
(Al rises up rotating as he does so.)
Sam: Hmm...hmm.
Al: I was just trying to be helpful.
Sam: The killer must have stood over here right. Uh?
Al: Ugh?
Sam: What's this? (holds out coin).

"Roberto"

future site of the project

(This is a rough transcription offered by Gina Athey who volunteered to take down the missing scene after the Wiltshires somehow missed the fact that a transcription was needed.)

After Sam and Janie leave the guy who reported seeing the "aliens", the dialogue goes like this:

Al: Sam, Sam, this is unbelievable but this is it (points to horizon) This is Home.
Sam: What?
Al: Well, see, 30 miles over that way, you can't see it from here, that's where we built Project Quantum Leap. Of course, it won't be there for another 7 years but it is. I mean, if I push this (indicates handlink) I go, that's where I go. It's there now but it's not there for another 7 years.
Sam: So, you're there (points to horizon) on the other side...

(take it with a grain of salt)

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Micky DuPree's syndicuts