Quotable Quantum Leap

Here are a few of my favorite lines from Quantum Leap:

"It's not like you're lost in a mall--you're lost in time."
--Al in "Last Dance Before an Execution"

Sam: How do I act retarded?
Al: Just act natural.
--Sam and Al in "Jimmy"

Al: At 22:15 Greenwich Mean Time, you must plug in a thousand-watt hairdryer in a house located at 111 Erie Drive, Buffalo, New York.
Sam: (incredulous) What?
--Al and Sam in "Double Identity"

Al: He has all the signs of the undead.
Sam: And you have all the signs of the brain dead.
--Al and Sam in "Blood Moon"

"That's if I'm a human. I'm not a human--I'm a chimp. We don't have rules for chimps, do we?"
--Sam in "The Wrong Stuff"

"It's much worse than death...in two days, she goes home...she spends the rest of her life alone...without love...in Cleveland."
--Al in "The Play's the Thing"

Sam: I was trying to save your life.
Angela: By running me down and beating me up?
Sam: No, no. I thought...I thought that your heart had stopped. I was just trying to get it started again, that's all.
Angela: Oh, why don't you back over me a couple more times?
Sam: You shouldn't move.
Angela: You shouldn't drive.
--Sam and Angela in "It's a Wonderful Leap"

Al: In two days, the Russians are going to shoot down the U2.
Sam: The rock group?
--Al and Sam in "Honeymoon Express"

"Shake your booty."
--Al in "Private Dancer"

Al: Ziggy says the odds are real good.
Sam: How good?
Al: Oh, you know. They're way up there.
--Al and Sam in "M.I.A."

"Wanna bite? Oh, I'm sorry, you're a hologram."
--Sam in "Camakazi Kid"

"Gooshie, if I should suddenly pop out of existance, I want to leave everything to my first wife, Beth."
--Al in "Star Light, Star Bright"

"I'll tell you what. Why don't you lie down in the parking lot and I'll accidentally back over you with my car. Probably we can get a whole week out of that."
--Jannie Eisenberg in "Roberto!"

Al: What's with Ebenezer there?
Sam: He's ready to tear down the mission with his bear hands, Al; I think I'm making things worse.
--Al and Sam in "A Little Miracle"

"She think's she's having her baby in an alien spaceship."
--Al in "8 1/2 Months"

Clifford: We're to be married in two days! What are my mother and father going to say?
Sam: Cancel the church, the reception, the cake...
--Clifford Whiteside and Sam as a hologram in "The Leap Back"

Al: (consulting the handlink) He's at dinner.
Sam: He's at a dinner?
Al: Yeah.
Sam: In the middle of the afternoon? He's at a dinner?
Al: He's at a dinner, having diner.
Sam: What?
Al: (slaps handlink) Oh, he's at the diner having dinner....make it lunch.
--Al and Sam in "Memphis Melody"

Al: You're best bet is stop moving until all electrical activity in the brain ceases.
Sam: That's called "death."
--Al and Sam in "Genesis"

"He thinks I'm Saint Peter and that I'm going to send him to Hell for overcharging his hours."
--Al in "Trilogy, part III"

Sam: Dammit Ziggy! Tell me something I don't know!
Ziggy: Tina's having an affair with Gooshie.
--Sam and Ziggy in "The Leap Back"

"Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 'Oops! It was an accident! I accidentally killed everybody. Haw haw. Now I'm stuck with this secret load of secret treasure. Oh, I'm going to have to give up my measley, poor-paying professorship and go somewhere and live a life of ease and luxury somewhere else. Ha ha.' Give her an Oscar and let's get the hell outta here."
--Al in "The Curse of Ptah Hotep"

Sam: You're not just a bartender.
Bartender Al: That's true--I own the place too.
--Sam and bartender Al in "Mirror Image"

Al: Tea? Not coffee?
Sam: I'm making some tea. Tea. T-E-A tea. Tea, tea, tea. I don't like coffee, I like tea....Does drinking tea make me any less of a man than somebody who drinks coffee? I mean, is every tea-drinker in the entire history of the world gay to you? Is that it? What about the Boston Tea Party? Was that like some kind of a gay boat festival or something?
--Al and Sam in "Running For Honor"

"Revenge is mine, thus sayeth the hologram."
--Sam in "The Leap Back"

Sam: We've got Clapper.
Al: Careful, Sam--there was no cure for that in 1953.
--Sam and Al in "Play it Again, Seymour"

"He cancels out on Elvis! Oh! This is awful, Sam!...Ziggy says now, Elvis doesn't even get discovered. And 'Heartbreak Hotel' is recorded by the...Monkees! And 'Jailhouse Rock' is recorded by Tony Orlando and Dawn. Ughh! Gag me with a spoon!"
--Al in "Memphis Melody"

Dana: Don't tell me there's not any light.... You brought me up her to a cabin to get murdered without electricity?!
Sam: (turning on a lamp) See? Light, to shoot you by.
--Dana and Sam in "Her Charm"